One of a series of 40 second radio scripts in the style of letters home. Written for the Woolwich Building Society who wanted to tell ex Ėpats in Dubai that they could trust another ex pat at the local Woolwich to arrange mortgages and lettings for them back home. John Fortune was the voice of Harold.

Title: Roll mop herrings

MV1: Dear mother,
Thanks for the parcel. The roll mop herrings took us all by surprise. Even air mail couldnít have got them here quick enough. And your rummage in the attic was interesting wasnít it? As senior partner here, Iím not sure if the picture of me on the toilet as a four year old would be appropriate in reception but I think Iíll find a place for it.

Now then. About you and Dad looking after the house while weíre over here. I know dad thinks I should tarmac the garden but Bethís rather fond of the azaleas you see. And Ė ingenious though youíve been Ė Iím going to have to get a man in to free up the sash windows where you draught proofed them with polyfilla.

So Iíve been talking to Mike Brighton down the road at the Woolwich and he says they have a property management and letting service that can take care of everything from here. Better all round donít you think?

Beth sends her love and says the children look amazing in the hats you crocheted for them.

Got to go. Your loving son Harold.

MV2: If you want to invest in property back in the UK, thereís now a building society that will give ex-pats a mortgage and arrange the letting. The Woolwich. Talk to Mike Brighton on 0800 000 0000. Nobody understands the problems of an ex-pat like an ex-pat.

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